I put pepper up my nose to try and make myself sneeze because I couldn’t get any sort of satisfaction from my ‘choo… and now my nostrils are burning slightly.
I don’t know why, but I seem to do really daft stuff more often than not. Sometimes I won’t leave my bed to go pee until I feel like my insides will soon be making a surprise appearance. I don’t know why I do it. The toilet is LITERALLY 9 STEPS AWAY FROM MY BED! And I still play an odd sort of urethra chicken with my piss. Ooh, it’s so tense! What’ll break first, my will or my bladder?
Can I just point out that this is not the first time I’ve put pepper up my nose… Yup.. This has happened a number of times.
I’m not stupid. Most of the time, I know the silly things I do are probably ridiculous. I mean, right now, I’m sat here writing this post at 3am. Do I have any intention of going to bed any time soon? Of course not. Is that pretty daft? Yes it is. But at least I’m aware of it. I’m not a total plonker.
Sometimes I put on a silly walk and trundle up to my dogs and hug them like a child who hasn’t quite mastered the art of physical affection. Don’t know why. Obviously, my dogs are used to me being a bit weird. They’re incredibly tolerant. I mean, I don’t know why I do half the things I do. But… I do think they’re quite fun. Makes life a bit more exciting, doesn’t it. Doesn’t it? Maybe I just don’t have enough excitement in my life.
Maybe. HA! Of COURSE I don’t. I write a blog. That’s my most exciting attribute at present. “Flying” around my garden asking my mum if I’d qualify for the Duxford Air Show doesn’t count as a hobby. If I had the choice, I’d be a very interesting human being who skateboards and wind-surfs and rock-climbs and rocks the night away. I don’t do that. I stay up until half 3 watching shows about the emergency services (which, by the by, don’t get the credit or respect they deserve; I mean, people actually call the ambulance for a LIFT HOME FROM THE PUB… like what the actual living Jesus?!) blogging about my boring, tedious life. Although I would like to learn to skateboard this summer. That’s the plan. I’m not too fussed about learning to do tricks or anything at the moment. I want to be able to get from A to B faster than I do at the moment while feeling like I’m doing exercising and, most importantly, while feeling cool as a fucking cucumber.
Side-note: (well.. it’s not. It’s just a new paragraph that I’m calling a side-note cause that’s how I talk. I’m trying to write how I talk because.. well, it’s more interesting that way. Well I think so, anyway.) I’m playing piss-chicken right now. It’s not gradual. It kind of comes in waves. And tensing your butt muscles helps. Wait, no. Don’t give advice, Chlo! If you need a piss, go for a piss!
That’s right, this is the kind of high-brow, intellectual content you were expecting, wasn’t it. It might get better than this. It very well might not. Don’t be too disappointed either way, you know just as much as me, to be honest. Although, I will say I want to do some beauty stuff. I like makeup and clothes and taking baths and all that. I’m not an expert, but I do watch an embarrassing amount of GlamLifeGuru, a.k.a. Tati, so that’s practically a Beauty Therapy qualification right there. I mean, if you’re not interested in that, that’s cool. You don’t have to read it. You can read all about me learning to skateboard instead. That’s bound to be a hoot and a half. Let’s be honest, when is it not funny when I fall over? Answer: never. That’s a double negative. Suck on my double negatives. Yes, all of them.
Moving swiftly on.
These have been the ramblings of a tired, slightly emotional (due to the aforementioned A&E shows) nut-bar.
I’m not gonna apologize. It’s my blog, dammit! Fun fact: according to a very good script writer/director/filmmaker person, whose name I neglected to care about, no one starts speech with the word “dammit”. Which makes sense. No normal person, anyway.
And on that note, I shall be signing off.
Keep doing that awesome thing that you do – whether it be skateboarding or scuba-diving or working for the NHS or painting slightly lopsided cats- because I truly love it.
All the best, chicken breast.